Many couples resist the idea of counseling, assuming that it means the marriage has failed or will fail.
Other couples aren’t sure if their “little” problems warrant counseling. If you think you need couples’ counseling, chances are you probably do. If you need more than a gut feeling, these signs can help you decide for sure.
You Speak Negatively
Take a few days or a week to listen to yourself. If most of the statements you say to your partner are negative, you have a problem that warrants counseling. Constant criticism and put-downs weigh on a marriage, even if they’re said jokingly. Sometimes, jabs and criticism turn into verbal abuse, so stop the cycle before it gets that far. Make an effort to remember positive things about your spouse and mention them. Praise him or her specifically and often.
You Live Separate Lives
You and your spouse won’t always feel close. However, there’s a difference between feeling distant and being distant. Do you take separate cars whenever you go out? Do you use separate checking accounts for every purchase? Has one of you been on vacation alone? If yes, you need a third party to help you sort out why and get close again.
You Aren’t Talking
Avoiding certain topics in your marriage is a red flag. Spouses should be able to communicate about everything and listen even when it’s hard. If a certain issue has you close-mouthed, consider bringing in a counselor for resolution. If there are many issues that you can’t talk about, you may need counseling, Family Coaching, LLC can help you resolve these issues and learn to communicate effectively.
You Fear Your Partner
You should never fear the person you married. If he or she is verbally or physically abusing you, get help. If necessary, get out and go to a safe place. Seek a counselor who is well-versed in abusive situations. If the abuse continues during or after a significant counseling period, rethink the marriage.
You Argue About the Same Things All the Time
Couples argue—it’s a fact of marriage. However, you shouldn’t keep coming back to the same issues. Seek counseling and resolution, especially if the things you’re arguing about affect others, like your kids. Often times bickering is a sign of larger issues.