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Before Calling It Quits

By Dina | Feb 28, 2017 | Divorce, Marriage

Phoenix, AZ Relationship Therapy

One should never make the decision to end a marriage lightly.
It’s a serious choice that will undoubtedly affect the rest of your life. If splitting up is on your mind, there are some important questions to consider.

1. Why Did We Fall in Love?
Over time, it can be easy to forget where your relationship began. Instead of examining the problems, look closely at the aspects of your spouse that you once adored. Was it his sense of humor or her love of adventure? Have those qualities been pushed away? Some reflection can often reignite the spark and reveal what changes you need to make.

2. What Things Can You Change?
Life gets in the way a lot of times and causes issues for many couples. However, not everything is beyond the scope of your control. Consider the problems in your relationship. How many of them can you change? For example, if you’re always fighting about money, are you willing to spend less on nonessentials?

3. Will You Regret This Decision?
How often in the past five years have you been unhappy? If it’s a recent issue, you may be throwing away general happiness for some simple milestones. A gut check can often point you in the right direction.

4. Are You Ready to Return to Life on Your Own?
Getting a divorce involves immense lifestyle changes. It’s not just about splitting up – you’ll have to readjust to being alone. You’ll be on your own to take care of daily chores, obligations, and figure out your finances. It’s not easy task to re-acclimate, so you need to understand the changes and be realistic about how they might affect you emotionally and financially.

5. Have You Tried Seeing a Marriage and Family Counselor?
Sometimes problems that seem large and complicated are simple to resolve. Seeing a counselor and getting outside advice can help put things into perspective and provide you with the tools needed to repair your relationship. We always recommend spouses try to heal a relationship before completing a divorce.

6. Are You Committed to Going Through With the Divorce?
Sometimes, people begin the process of divorce or mention it with the intent of using it as an emotional weapon against a spouse. In some cases, he or she isn’t completely serious, but this can be dangerous. Bringing it up can trigger much stronger responses in your spouse, who might then feel compelled to go through with it. Don’t raise the topic of divorce if you’re not fully prepared to follow through.

Additional Resources:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/10-questions-to-ask-yourself-before-you-get-a-divorce_us_55f1b1c0e4b03784e2784624
http://marriage.about.com/cs/breakingup/ht/callquits.htm
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/susan-dutton-freund/5-steps-decide-if-its-time-call-it-quits